Friday, September 19, 2008
THE FIVE TAG
10 years ago I:
1. Wasn't married : )
2. Had no kids : )
3. thought I had so much to do
4. really didn't do too much
5. slept through the night
5 things on today's "to do" list:
2. Go out for supper
3. help the kids spend their birthday gift card from toy-r-us
4. take a Tylenol for this headache
5. give up coke (as in cola : )
5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Chocolate cake
2. Chocolate cookies
3. Chocolate bar
4. Chocolate macaroons
5. Chocolate chocolate : )
5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. quit my job
2. buy an island
3. hire a chef
4. give away my house to someone who needs it
5. take all my girlfriends on a fantastic vacation!!!
5 places I have lived:
2. UNB dorm
3. Graham Ave apartment
4. Windsor St apartment
5. Southwood Park in a house :)
Five jobs I have had:
2. ice cream server
3. toll booth operator
4. museum tour guide
5. lab technologist
I tag...Whoever wants to and
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Have you ever had the experience of stopping so completely,
of being in your body so completely,
of being in your life so completely,
that what you knew and what you didn't know,
that what had been and what was yet to come,
and the way things are right now,
no longer held even the slightest hint of anxiety or discord,
a moment of complete presence beyond striving,
beyond mere acceptance,
beyond the desire to escape or fix anything or plunge ahead,
a moment of pure being,
no longer in time,
a moment of pure seeing, pure feeling,
a moment in which life simply is,
and that is-ness grabs you by all your senses, all your memories, by your very genes, by your loves, and welcomes you home,
that is a taste of mindfulness.
Mindfulness sounds so simple so why is it so rare? For me I think it is because I let myself get too caught up in everyday issues – kids fighting, issues with the hubby, stress at work, etc.
Genuine happiness should not be dependent on how my day is going.
Everyday stresses can send me in a tailspin quicker than I like to admit. I need to become more aware that I am losing grasp of what is really important. That is going to take some work : )
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. - Mark Twain
I think that is so beautiful. I am listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer on my ipod and he talks about how the most important thing in the universe is forgiveness. We need forgiveness in order to get past bitterness, anger, tension, fear, hatred, hostility, rage - all of those feelings that come from how others treat us. He goes on to say that life if perfect because everything you have experienced so far has brought you to this perfect moment. Pretty cool stuff.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Friendship – feeling that deep connection that never falters.
Laughter – the effect of a bold hearty guffaw that can instantly change a negative into a positive.
Awareness – not taking anything for granted. Experiencing each moment as you would a precious jewel.
Music – hearing a song that makes me want to sing – outloud – in front of complete strangers : )
Feeling Safe – realizing how lucky I am to live in a place without earthquakes, typhoons, tsunamis, or any disaster that could endanger the lives of my family and friends.
Feel free to give it a try! It is liberating!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
There are some problems with the picture( the shadow underneath and the blurry leaves just to the right) but I couldn't believe the details and the quality. Here is what happens when I zoom in:
Now I'm on the hunt for a class to help me improve my photography skills. Has anyone taken a photography class that they would recommend?
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
* New clothes – clothes have never been a priority for me because of my size. It’s hard to get excited about trying on 20 outfits just to find one that fits. I don’t know if being a smaller size will change that. I don’t get that excited about buying clothes for my kids. I do it because they always seem to need new clothes but I don’t get much satisfaction from the purchases.
*Being more confident around others. When I meet someone new, especially if they are thin or very athletic, I always think – “I wonder what they think of fat people” But why do I care? I’m not my body. Yes - I have a body but it has nothing to do with who I am inside – that can’t be changed no matter how much I eat. And my friends already know what size I am and they like me anyway : ) I have absolutely wonderful friends !
*Being a Mom that my kids would be proud of. I hope my kids are never embarrassed to introduce me to their friends. I can’t really control that though. I will do my best to be a good mom and that’s all I can do. I will always be there for them and accept them for who they are and hopefully they will learn to do the same.
*Increased Energy. I think that getting rid of these extra pounds would give me more energy. I find that I am tired most of the time. I have been exercising and that gives me a little more energy. Can I just exercise for fun and not worry about if it will affect my weight? I love to walk – especially outside enjoying all the things that nature has to offer. And I love aquasize – love being in the water and how refreshed I feel afterwards.
*Better Health. Would I be healthier if I weighed less? Probably. But exercising and focusing on my eating habits will help too. As long as I continue to do this then I’m on the right track to a healthier lifestyle. It may not change my weight and I have to accept that.
So bottom line - I am overweight RIGHT NOW! I can’t wait until I’ve lost weight to be happy with who I am. And I can’t keep telling myself that my life will miraculously become so much better when I’m a smaller size. It’s not true. All of the problems I face right now will still exist. My moments of happiness will NOT be intensified and I will still have moments of intense suffering. Accepting this as the truth will only make my struggle with weight less of a focus so I can focus on what is really important – Embracing the present moment for what it is. All I have is the present moment. Even if I don’t like what it encompasses I have to accept it. Denying it or wishing it was different still doesn’t change it. It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. So Jenn I'm going to have to get back to you on this one. Maybe learning to accept myself will lead me to what I like about me. Thanks for the challenge!
Friday, April 18, 2008
-camping at Jellystone
-camping at Birch Point
-spending a whole week on the beach in Shediac
-roasting marshmallows over an open fire
-trip to Ontario- seeing family that I haven't seen in 2 years.
-Watching the kids play soccer with their little Jerseys on.
-Sitting on the deck in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed.
-Picking Strawberries with the kids then making jam without them : )
-Having friends over for a BBQ
Happy Friday Everyone!
Thursday, April 17, 2008
~ the sunshine – high of 19 today!!!
~ the smell of spring (but not that dog poop smell – that’s nasty!)
~ watching Miss A on her new bike with a grin a mile long.
~ Sir I’s big hug and the “I love you” that accompanies it as he flies out the door to the bus stop.
~ The rare moments that Sir I and Miss A are civil to each other
~ Jeanette’s cooking
~ watching Hollee’s face completely transform when she laughs at Oswald
For all these things I am truly grateful.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
In an ideal world if I offended someone or someone offended me then we would discuss it and deal with it and move past it. With really close friends and family I am able to do this easily. The difficult part comes when you don’t know how to tell a person that you are upset or that they upset you. You then talk about the incident with other friends and family and the disagreement lives on in the telling of the story and the anger gets fed and grows. It takes on a life of its own.
Even if I sincerely apologize to someone then they may not be able to accept it and I have to be ok with it. I recently got in a disagreement with my sister. I called her up 2 days later and apologized because I said things in the heat of the moment that I regretted. She didn’t accept my apology and is still very angry. I can’t change that. If she wants to say malicious things to other people about me then I can’t change that either. Her venting about me to others doesn’t change the fact that I am sorry for what I said and I told her that. There are things that she did that upset me but I’m not going to dwell on that either. It’s over. I don’t want to be burdened with that anger anymore. So my final thoughts : ) You can’t change the past – you can only live in the present. When you know better – you do better!
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Oprah had her first online class and I have listened to it a couple of times and there were a few points that I wanted to share with you. If you would like to listen to it yourself then just go to oprah.com and you will find a link to it on the main page. It is about an hour and a half so it takes a while to get through. Here are some things that he talks about: “You don’t become good by trying to be good – but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge”- page 13 The Ego can say that it wants to be a good person or a spiritual person because it wants to have a better image of itself. If you are still living in the ego then you search for spirituality will still be able to trap you in conflict when things are not going the way you planned. It is not just about thinking positively either – it has to go further than that. You must reach a place inside yourself that is unconditioned, a place that is not affected by what is going on around you. He calls it being formless. A passage that he quotes from the bible is “Be still and know that I am god”. “Be Still” refers to this formless state. You must be conscious without thinking. He goes on to say that being formless is the essence of every human being. The formless part of you remains untouched by anyone and anything. Nothing can destroy it or alter it or affect it. Getting in touch with that place is the key to becoming awakened. He gives tips to start this process by using nature or by “becoming one” with nature. When you can feel the sacredness of tree or a flower then you can begin to see the sacredness in other things. He gives a few pointers for this in chapter one. He suggest walking through a garden without naming things – just enjoy them. When we give things names then they begin to loose their beauty and majesty. How can you begin to describe the beauty of a flower with just 6 letters? The beauty of a flower is indescribable. We have the need as humans to give everything a label and once you have given it a label then it can be filed away neatly in your brain. Try looking at something without giving it a name. I tried it this afternoon and I found it very difficult. The first thing that pops in my head is the label of what I am looking at. When I read this part of the book I thought about an experience that I had last summer. My mother-in law and I were in St. Andrews at Kingbrae – an unbelievable garden with millions and millions of flowers and trees. I know nothing about flowers so for me the garden was about experiencing the beauty, smelling, touching and taking pictures. I could spend 5 minutes at each flower. I think for her it was more about learning about new flowers. She wanted to expand her knowledge of flowers, see ones that she hadn’t seen before or look at different combinations of flowers in a specific garden. I found that she was able to move quickly through gardens in which she was familiar with the flowers. She was always way ahead of me : ) I would call her back and say – look at this one – look at the color – isn’t it amazing and she would say “Oh, that’s a (insert name of flower here)” and then she would move on. So because I didn’t know the names of the flowers I enjoyed them the only way I knew how – looking, smelling and touching. So I don’t want you to think that I had a better experience or that I enjoyed it more than she did, I just wanted to share how it was a very different experience for me because I didn’t know the names of the flowers. I felt that she needed to give a name to the beauty and that is what I thought of when I read that part of the book. Here are some pictures from our afternoon:
So thanks for reading and please comment on what you liked or didn’t like. I’m trying to understand this and writing it out and discussing it makes that process more enjoyable.
Friday, February 29, 2008
The Ego is basically identification with form - physical form, thought form and emotional form. Those are his words – almost exactly. Now here is my take – and remember that I am still connected to the ego so it may be skewed : ) The ego is your association with the world – things, other people, your feelings and emotions and even your own thoughts. It is that constant voice in your head telling you what to do. The problem with that voice is that it is not really who you are because it is skewed by your environment. He calls this your illusionary sense of self. It is who you think you are but that is based on the past. You are not your past. You are who you are right now. That was and still is hard for me to comprehend - how can what I think not be who I am? But if my thoughts are not based in the now then they are based in the past. The good news is that if you can recognize this self as an illusion then it can not exist. An illusion ceases to be an illusion if you know it is one. You will become awakened or aware if you can recognize this illusion. He actually says that this thinking without awareness is the main dilemma of human existence. He goes into detail about how your false sense of self identifies with what you possess – your house, your car and your material possessions – even by what others think of what you have. These things become “identity enhancers”. We need things like shelter and food and housing and transportation but we have lost the ability to honor them. Page 37- “we cannot really honor things if we use them as a means to self-enhancement, that is to say, if we try to find ourselves through them. This is exactly what the ego does. Ego- identification with things creates attachment to things, an obsession with things". You have to figure out if the things you have contribute to you sense of self. If you lost something that was very precious to you how would you feel? Can it just be a thing or does not having it change the person that you are. Think about that one for a minute because it was an “aha moment” for me. Is there anything that I have that would change who I was if I didn’t have it? I thought about all my pictures of the kids – I would be heartbroken if the house burnt down tomorrow and I lost them. But would it change who I am? Of course not! So is it wrong to feel a sense of pride for what you have or feel that you have nicer things than someone else? No! The need to stand out is always there. But you have to recognize it for what it is – the Ego. The Ego isn’t wrong, it is just unconscious. When you can see it you can go beyond it.
So I think I will end here for now. There is a lot more in this chapter but I want to know your thoughts on what I have written so far. Have a great weekend everyone!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
My Friend sends me quotes daily and she has send me some great ones but this is one that really struck me. Have I lived the width of my life so far? No - I don't think so. I think I am getting closer but I still have a LOT of work to do. The problem is that I don't even know where to start. When Oprah introduced her book club selection this month it really intrigued me because she said that it was the best self help book that she had ever read. If you haven't heard about it it's called - A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I find reading it is very challenging because I have never read anything like it before. Every concept is so new to me. I find that I have to read each sentence several times to get the full meaning. It feels like every sentence is forging new pathways in my brain! It is a whole new way of looking at things. The chapter I just finished described the Ego - it is so much more than just what I thought an Ego was. I can relate to a lot of things that he says about the Ego and I know that in order to let go of the hold that it has on me that I will need some direction - hopefully that will come in later chapters. I guess the first step is understanding what it is and why it is. I'll keep you posted. If anyone else is reading this book please let me know - I would love to hear your thoughts.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
- The flying leap hug I get when I picking up my kids from daycare
- That I can share anything and everything with my husband.
- Long conversations with friends- drunk or sober!
- Singing my heart out to music when no one is listening.
- Sharing a great meal.
- Making someone laugh.
- Relaxing by a fire.
- Long Baths with no interruptions.
- Getting so involved in a book that if you are not reading it you are thinking about when you will be able to read it again.
- Taking great pictures.
- An afternoon of scrapbooking.
- Storm days when you have nowhere to go.
- Holding a sleeping newborn.
- Late night swims.