This is a tough one for me. When Jenn first posted the challenge all that I could come up with was my eyelashes. And that was only because I have been complemented on them a few times. So what’s my problem? Why don’t I like anything about myself? Lately I have been consciously trying to accept myself for who I am but can accepting who you are lead you to liking who you are? I have always been of the mindset that my life would be so much better if I lost 50 lbs. I started dieting when I was 12 – that's 25 years of wishing my body was something that it’s not and might never become! Am I going to spend my entire life wanting to look different? What exactly would loosing 50 lbs mean to me? Here's what I came up with:
* New clothes – clothes have never been a priority for me because of my size. It’s hard to get excited about trying on 20 outfits just to find one that fits. I don’t know if being a smaller size will change that. I don’t get that excited about buying clothes for my kids. I do it because they always seem to need new clothes but I don’t get much satisfaction from the purchases.
*Being more confident around others. When I meet someone new, especially if they are thin or very athletic, I always think – “I wonder what they think of fat people” But why do I care? I’m not my body. Yes - I have a body but it has nothing to do with who I am inside – that can’t be changed no matter how much I eat. And my friends already know what size I am and they like me anyway : ) I have absolutely wonderful friends !
*Being a Mom that my kids would be proud of. I hope my kids are never embarrassed to introduce me to their friends. I can’t really control that though. I will do my best to be a good mom and that’s all I can do. I will always be there for them and accept them for who they are and hopefully they will learn to do the same.
*Increased Energy. I think that getting rid of these extra pounds would give me more energy. I find that I am tired most of the time. I have been exercising and that gives me a little more energy. Can I just exercise for fun and not worry about if it will affect my weight? I love to walk – especially outside enjoying all the things that nature has to offer. And I love aquasize – love being in the water and how refreshed I feel afterwards.
*Better Health. Would I be healthier if I weighed less? Probably. But exercising and focusing on my eating habits will help too. As long as I continue to do this then I’m on the right track to a healthier lifestyle. It may not change my weight and I have to accept that.
So bottom line - I am overweight RIGHT NOW! I can’t wait until I’ve lost weight to be happy with who I am. And I can’t keep telling myself that my life will miraculously become so much better when I’m a smaller size. It’s not true. All of the problems I face right now will still exist. My moments of happiness will NOT be intensified and I will still have moments of intense suffering. Accepting this as the truth will only make my struggle with weight less of a focus so I can focus on what is really important – Embracing the present moment for what it is. All I have is the present moment. Even if I don’t like what it encompasses I have to accept it. Denying it or wishing it was different still doesn’t change it. It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. So Jenn I'm going to have to get back to you on this one. Maybe learning to accept myself will lead me to what I like about me. Thanks for the challenge!
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6 comments:
WOW....what a great post Les. It's hard for people to accept who they are. I also starting dieting early in life and you ask a very important question....How will your life become better if you lose weight?
You make some really good points, besides stating the obvious about health reasons overall no matter how much a person loses, it does not miracously change everything for the better. I am slowly learning this and removing the focus off my weight focusing on the present.
We all have stuff about ourselves we don't like. If you lost weight you may just find something else to be uncomfortable with. I think the key is liking yourself on the inside first. If you like yourself on the inside you gain confidence and the outside becomes less important. Losing weight isn't a guarantee but being a nice, loyal, caring person is a guarantee to happiness, friendship and love.
Beauty is always in the eye of the beholder and skinny people hate themselves too. Beauty from the inside out is worth one's weight in gold.
What to say, What to say, after the two above post. They have both made very valid and great points.
I dropped from 227lbs to 160lbs. Was I happier - hell yeah! my energy didn't change too much, but I had more confidence and felt better about me...I just kinda got this "spring" in my step...but I still hated my jelly belly and gross streatch marks...and all the things I really hated about my body...I still hated. Thinner though, I had chicken legs - never good and the once plump parts were saggy - eww! anyhoo - focus on healthy cuz you're totally on the right track with Happiness my friend :)
Great post Les...you summed it up for a lot of us.
k - so I just have to post here - reason is - I feel the same way that you do Les - we have a similar story - although my dieting started at around 18 or so - guess I didn't care so much up to that point....so i've dieted...i've gained ...I've lost....i've gained some more..etc etc.
so the funny thing - as I get older I learn all of these things that I should have known before but it wasn't 'time' i guess that I got it.....(there is a whole long list of these - hehe - one perfect example...when I was 18 my mother knew nothgin....hickster....I was 21 with baby...my mom knew about 50% of what she was talking about...the other 50 was old age.....now as I reach 35 my mommy does know pretty much everything...although I may not agree - she pretty much knows everything.....
so on with my story....so you know i've lost close to 50 lbs--- and before ths I was you - I would have told you how much happier I would have been with 50 lbs off...my life would have been sunshine and roses...and I would do this and I woudl do that...oh how much happier I would be. I would have more energy...I would do more things...my friends would like me better...guys would htink i was hot(hahah--just kidding) my work would be better.....
DIDN'T HAPPEN.
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