Last night I went into my daughters room and looked at her sleeping face. So beautiful. So perfect. I've taken so many photos of my kids when they are asleep. A few times I have actually woken them up. (Now that had to be a rude awakening - sorry kids!) Last night I just stood there and took it all in. So many thoughts ran through my head : What will the future be like for them? What type of person will they be? Am I being the best parent I can be? Am I making the right choices for them?
I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself in order to be a better parent for them. I realize that I need to figure out how to like myself. I'm not quite sure that I know how to do that yet. I used to think that it was all about my weight - I was sure that I would like myself more if I could take off the extra pounds but now I'm not so sure. To be honest I'm tired of avoiding the mirror. Tired of not having any picture of myself with my kids. Tired of having no clothes because I hate trying on clothes in front of a full-length mirror. So I have to either figure out how to accept myself as I am or..............or What? What is my other option? I don't think I have one. I was going to finish that sentence with "lose all this extra weight" but I have to be honest with myself. I have been trying to do this for a very long time and I don't think it is going to happen. My dietitian told me yesterday that I had to embrace the hunger. OK - sure - no problem : ) Now that will take some work - a lot of work. But I also think I need to figure out how to come at this with a different angle. What if I already liked myself and losing weight wasn't the driving force behind everything that I do. Would food be less of an issue? Would I obsess about something else? Would I learn to like exercise? I think that last one might be taking it a bit too far. But it's an interesting concept. But then I'm left with the question of How do I learn to like myself as I am? For that I don't have any answers.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
As I sit here listening to the ceremonies in Washington, I can’t help but join in with the excitement of the day. I find it amazing that as a Canadian I have become so engrossed in this election and this president. I feel privileged to be a part of history. The president has a monumental task ahead of him and I truly believe that they have found the right guy for the job. When he speaks I am mesmerized. He exudes confidence but in a very calming manner. He is deliberate yet non confrontational. He inspires by example. I don't think I have ever seen a man so ready to lead a nation in crisis. We have yet to see what policies he will put into place but I can’t help but think that he will approach all decisions with humility and grace. While listening to a morning radio show on the CBC, I heard the speaker talk about how Obama can only fail in this presidency because the American people have too much hope for what he will accomplish. He goes on to say that when people look back on Obama’s presidency that they will think of failure and broken hopes. I disagree with this. Even if the Obama presidency can not accomplish everything that he had hoped, no one can deny how he has inspired the nation. He is only one man so his power must come from the people and his words inspire the masses. An inspired nation can accomplish much more than a defeated one. So attitudes like the the man from the morning radio must be left behind in order for hope to prevail. President Obama’s speech is just about to begin and I have a feeling that we will all be inspired yet again. Hope is a powerful entity and one that I pray that we can keep in our sights in this very difficult time.