I'm it!

Mel tagged me so here it goes!

THE FIVE TAG
10 years ago I:
1. Wasn't married : )
2. Had no kids : )
3. thought I had so much to do
4. really didn't do too much
5. slept through the night

5 things on today's "to do" list:
1. Scrapbook
2. Go out for supper
3. help the kids spend their birthday gift card from toy-r-us
4. take a Tylenol for this headache
5. give up coke (as in cola : )

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Chocolate cake
2. Chocolate cookies
3. Chocolate bar
4. Chocolate macaroons
5. Chocolate chocolate : )

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:
1. quit my job
2. buy an island
3. hire a chef
4. give away my house to someone who needs it
5. take all my girlfriends on a fantastic vacation!!!

5 places I have lived:
1. Hillsborough
2. UNB dorm
3. Graham Ave apartment
4. Windsor St apartment
5. Southwood Park in a house :)

Five jobs I have had:
1. Waitress
2. ice cream server
3. toll booth operator
4. museum tour guide
5. lab technologist

I tag...Whoever wants to and
1. Hollee
2. Jenn
3. Amy
4. Shelley
5. Krista

You scratch my back....

So I haven't been doing very well at updating lately. I feel like I lost my mojo so I am going to try a new tactic. I need some practice with my camera and I have recently joined and online photography class so I thought I would try to post a picture every few days and talk about it. Please feel free to comment on what you think of the picture and even how you would have improved it. I was using my zoom at it's max on this shot because I didn't want to get to close in case I gave them a scare and they stopped. In hind sight I would have tried to move a bit left or right so it doesn't look like there is a bucket coming out of their head. I'm getting better at looking around for distractions but I was so occupied with trying to quickly get the shot that I didn't look around. I still think it is a cool picture : )

Mindfulness Poem by Joh Kabat Zinn

I wanted to share this poem that I heard today. I actually got chills when they read it. Love that!


Have you ever had the experience of stopping so completely,
of being in your body so completely,
of being in your life so completely,
that what you knew and what you didn't know,
that what had been and what was yet to come,
and the way things are right now,
no longer held even the slightest hint of anxiety or discord,
a moment of complete presence beyond striving,
beyond mere acceptance,
beyond the desire to escape or fix anything or plunge ahead,
a moment of pure being,
no longer in time,
a moment of pure seeing, pure feeling,
a moment in which life simply is,
and that is-ness grabs you by all your senses, all your memories, by your very genes, by your loves, and welcomes you home,
that is a taste of mindfulness.

Mindfulness sounds so simple so why is it so rare? For me I think it is because I let myself get too caught up in everyday issues – kids fighting, issues with the hubby, stress at work, etc.

Genuine happiness should not be dependent on how my day is going.

Everyday stresses can send me in a tailspin quicker than I like to admit. I need to become more aware that I am losing grasp of what is really important. That is going to take some work : )

Forgiveness

I took a little hiatus from blog land but I heard a quote today that touched me and I wanted to write about it here so I would always know where to find it.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it. - Mark Twain

I think that is so beautiful. I am listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer on my ipod and he talks about how the most important thing in the universe is forgiveness. We need forgiveness in order to get past bitterness, anger, tension, fear, hatred, hostility, rage - all of those feelings that come from how others treat us. He goes on to say that life if perfect because everything you have experienced so far has brought you to this perfect moment. Pretty cool stuff.

What I am thankful for ( in 100 words or less )

Family - seeing them, holding them, hugging them every day.
Friendship – feeling that deep connection that never falters.
Laughter – the effect of a bold hearty guffaw that can instantly change a negative into a positive.
Awareness – not taking anything for granted. Experiencing each moment as you would a precious jewel.
Music – hearing a song that makes me want to sing – outloud – in front of complete strangers : )
Feeling Safe – realizing how lucky I am to live in a place without earthquakes, typhoons, tsunamis, or any disaster that could endanger the lives of my family and friends.

Feel free to give it a try! It is liberating!

Picutes from the farm

These were all taken with the zoom. I definitely need some help in this area. They are all blurry and the composition is not great. The good news is that I have the whole LONG weekend to play!

Have a great weekend everyone : )

New Purchase!

I've been looking for a new camera for a while now but with so many options out there it was quite daunting. I looked at dSLR's but felt quite intimidated not only by price of the lenses but also by the technical terminology that seemed to accompany them. I decided to go with the Canon G9. It is a "Point and Shoot" camera but can also do manual functions and has the option of adding lenses and an external flash if I ever decide to expand my love of photography. I have only begun to experiment but so far I think that I made the right choice. Here is a picture of an apple bud that I took this morning using the macro function (everything else was on auto).

There are some problems with the picture( the shadow underneath and the blurry leaves just to the right) but I couldn't believe the details and the quality. Here is what happens when I zoom in:

Now I'm on the hunt for a class to help me improve my photography skills. Has anyone taken a photography class that they would recommend?

Best Quality?

This is a tough one for me. When Jenn first posted the challenge all that I could come up with was my eyelashes. And that was only because I have been complemented on them a few times. So what’s my problem? Why don’t I like anything about myself? Lately I have been consciously trying to accept myself for who I am but can accepting who you are lead you to liking who you are? I have always been of the mindset that my life would be so much better if I lost 50 lbs. I started dieting when I was 12 – that's 25 years of wishing my body was something that it’s not and might never become! Am I going to spend my entire life wanting to look different? What exactly would loosing 50 lbs mean to me? Here's what I came up with:
* New clothes – clothes have never been a priority for me because of my size. It’s hard to get excited about trying on 20 outfits just to find one that fits. I don’t know if being a smaller size will change that. I don’t get that excited about buying clothes for my kids. I do it because they always seem to need new clothes but I don’t get much satisfaction from the purchases.
*Being more confident around others. When I meet someone new, especially if they are thin or very athletic, I always think – “I wonder what they think of fat people” But why do I care? I’m not my body. Yes - I have a body but it has nothing to do with who I am inside – that can’t be changed no matter how much I eat. And my friends already know what size I am and they like me anyway : ) I have absolutely wonderful friends !
*Being a Mom that my kids would be proud of. I hope my kids are never embarrassed to introduce me to their friends. I can’t really control that though. I will do my best to be a good mom and that’s all I can do. I will always be there for them and accept them for who they are and hopefully they will learn to do the same.
*Increased Energy. I think that getting rid of these extra pounds would give me more energy. I find that I am tired most of the time. I have been exercising and that gives me a little more energy. Can I just exercise for fun and not worry about if it will affect my weight? I love to walk – especially outside enjoying all the things that nature has to offer. And I love aquasize – love being in the water and how refreshed I feel afterwards.
*Better Health. Would I be healthier if I weighed less? Probably. But exercising and focusing on my eating habits will help too. As long as I continue to do this then I’m on the right track to a healthier lifestyle. It may not change my weight and I have to accept that.

So bottom line - I am overweight RIGHT NOW! I can’t wait until I’ve lost weight to be happy with who I am. And I can’t keep telling myself that my life will miraculously become so much better when I’m a smaller size. It’s not true. All of the problems I face right now will still exist. My moments of happiness will NOT be intensified and I will still have moments of intense suffering. Accepting this as the truth will only make my struggle with weight less of a focus so I can focus on what is really important – Embracing the present moment for what it is. All I have is the present moment. Even if I don’t like what it encompasses I have to accept it. Denying it or wishing it was different still doesn’t change it. It is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. So Jenn I'm going to have to get back to you on this one. Maybe learning to accept myself will lead me to what I like about me. Thanks for the challenge!

Summer Fun

What I'm looking forward to this summer:

-camping at Jellystone

-camping at Birch Point

-spending a whole week on the beach in Shediac

-roasting marshmallows over an open fire

-trip to Ontario- seeing family that I haven't seen in 2 years.

-Watching the kids play soccer with their little Jerseys on.

-Sitting on the deck in the evenings after the kids have gone to bed.

-Picking Strawberries with the kids then making jam without them : )

-Having friends over for a BBQ

Happy Friday Everyone!

: )

Thanks Dee! Here are some things that make me smile.

~ the sunshine – high of 19 today!!!
~ the smell of spring (but not that dog poop smell – that’s nasty!)
~ watching Miss A on her new bike with a grin a mile long.
~ Sir I’s big hug and the “I love you” that accompanies it as he flies out the door to the bus stop.
~ The rare moments that Sir I and Miss A are civil to each other
~ Jeanette’s cooking
~ watching Hollee’s face completely transform when she laughs at Oswald

For all these things I am truly grateful.

Thanks P : )

P inspired me today! You can read her blog here. I love it when that happens : ) I too am naive and trusting. And like P, I would rather be naïve and trusting than closed and cynical- life is too short! I am trying(sometimes not successfully) to concentrate on living in the moment and not overanalyze too much of what happened in the past. It doesn't matter how much I regret something I did or wish that it some event didn’t happen - It won’t change the fact that it did happen. I need to learn to accept, apologize if need be (or accept an apology) and move on. I can’t keep replaying it in my head – that only lets the anger live on. The event could be over days ago and I am still angry about it just because I am thinking about it – that is crazy! The only thing that really matters, the only thing I can be, is who I am right at this second! I can’t change the past or future.

In an ideal world if I offended someone or someone offended me then we would discuss it and deal with it and move past it. With really close friends and family I am able to do this easily. The difficult part comes when you don’t know how to tell a person that you are upset or that they upset you. You then talk about the incident with other friends and family and the disagreement lives on in the telling of the story and the anger gets fed and grows. It takes on a life of its own.

Even if I sincerely apologize to someone then they may not be able to accept it and I have to be ok with it. I recently got in a disagreement with my sister. I called her up 2 days later and apologized because I said things in the heat of the moment that I regretted. She didn’t accept my apology and is still very angry. I can’t change that. If she wants to say malicious things to other people about me then I can’t change that either. Her venting about me to others doesn’t change the fact that I am sorry for what I said and I told her that. There are things that she did that upset me but I’m not going to dwell on that either. It’s over. I don’t want to be burdened with that anger anymore. So my final thoughts : ) You can’t change the past – you can only live in the present. When you know better – you do better!

More about the Ego

I feel like a broken record but the more I write about this the more I can try to wrap my brain around it. There is a sense of self or “I” in every thought you have, in every memory in your brain. When you are trapped in the Ego you associate with those thoughts instead of your inner being. If there is no space between you and your thoughts then you are lost in the ego. So does that mean that you shouldn't have thoughts in your head – no – there will always be thoughts in your head. But when you can see them as thoughts and not as who you are then you are not living in your head anymore. And then I think “But I have opinions, thoughts – that is who I am” And here is the difference - you may have opinions but once you have the need to defend them to other people, once you are at odds with people who don’t share your opinions then that is the ego. Once you make enemies of people that don’t have the same opinions (or religion, or race, etc) then you are not separated from those opinions and have become trapped in the ego. Those opinions become who you are and therefore anyone that opposes them becomes your enemy because they are opposing you. In reality the truth needs no defense. You must put a space between your thoughts and yourself. Then you are not controlled by them. If you can do this then you will no longer have the need to be in conflict with people that oppose you. On this weeks podcast someone called in and asked about if someone hurts you or strikes out against you where do those hurt feelings come from and how do you deal with them. His response was that the hurt feelings come from the Ego because only the Ego can be hurt by others. Eckhart told them to bring that hurt feeling into themselves and accept it – don’t fight it. That will only make the feelings stronger. "What you fight you strengthen and What you resist persists" And you can’t just say I shouldn't be feeling this – that won’t work either. If you can analyze what you are feeling and see it for what it really is then you should be able to see that it doesn’t have anything to do with the essence of you, the core of you. Your Ego may be offended and want to strike back but you are not your ego. You are the awareness of your ego. So nothing that anyone can say or do can alter your inner person – your formlessness. When others strike out against you then that is their ego. Eckhart told a story about a man that was very rude to him, angry even and he made the decision to treat him like an honored guest. By not reacting to the anger(his Ego) the man was completely changed in a span of 20 minutes! Because he didn’t react to the person’s ego then he was not in conflict with it. Oprah commented that you must be highly evolved to be able to recognize another person’s ego for what it is and I would have to agree with her. I doubt that I would have been able to do the same. There is so much more that I wanted to talk about but I will save it for next time. Thanks for reading : )

Being Formless

I wanted to talk more about the Ego but I realized through talking to a few friends that the word Ego makes this concept a little confusing. It is not Ego as in “Egotistical” but more like an Alter- Ego. The Ego he is talking about is another “person” inside yourself that is your life experiences, your thoughts and your feelings. But it is not all of who you are – it is only a small part of you. It does not have to control who you are if you don’t want it to. That is such a new concept for me and one that I am still struggling with.

Oprah had her first online class and I have listened to it a couple of times and there were a few points that I wanted to share with you. If you would like to listen to it yourself then just go to oprah.com and you will find a link to it on the main page. It is about an hour and a half so it takes a while to get through. Here are some things that he talks about: “You don’t become good by trying to be good – but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge”- page 13 The Ego can say that it wants to be a good person or a spiritual person because it wants to have a better image of itself. If you are still living in the ego then you search for spirituality will still be able to trap you in conflict when things are not going the way you planned. It is not just about thinking positively either – it has to go further than that. You must reach a place inside yourself that is unconditioned, a place that is not affected by what is going on around you. He calls it being formless. A passage that he quotes from the bible is “Be still and know that I am god”. “Be Still” refers to this formless state. You must be conscious without thinking. He goes on to say that being formless is the essence of every human being. The formless part of you remains untouched by anyone and anything. Nothing can destroy it or alter it or affect it. Getting in touch with that place is the key to becoming awakened. He gives tips to start this process by using nature or by “becoming one” with nature. When you can feel the sacredness of tree or a flower then you can begin to see the sacredness in other things. He gives a few pointers for this in chapter one. He suggest walking through a garden without naming things – just enjoy them. When we give things names then they begin to loose their beauty and majesty. How can you begin to describe the beauty of a flower with just 6 letters? The beauty of a flower is indescribable. We have the need as humans to give everything a label and once you have given it a label then it can be filed away neatly in your brain. Try looking at something without giving it a name. I tried it this afternoon and I found it very difficult. The first thing that pops in my head is the label of what I am looking at. When I read this part of the book I thought about an experience that I had last summer. My mother-in law and I were in St. Andrews at Kingbrae – an unbelievable garden with millions and millions of flowers and trees. I know nothing about flowers so for me the garden was about experiencing the beauty, smelling, touching and taking pictures. I could spend 5 minutes at each flower. I think for her it was more about learning about new flowers. She wanted to expand her knowledge of flowers, see ones that she hadn’t seen before or look at different combinations of flowers in a specific garden. I found that she was able to move quickly through gardens in which she was familiar with the flowers. She was always way ahead of me : ) I would call her back and say – look at this one – look at the color – isn’t it amazing and she would say “Oh, that’s a (insert name of flower here)” and then she would move on. So because I didn’t know the names of the flowers I enjoyed them the only way I knew how – looking, smelling and touching. So I don’t want you to think that I had a better experience or that I enjoyed it more than she did, I just wanted to share how it was a very different experience for me because I didn’t know the names of the flowers. I felt that she needed to give a name to the beauty and that is what I thought of when I read that part of the book. Here are some pictures from our afternoon:

So thanks for reading and please comment on what you liked or didn’t like. I’m trying to understand this and writing it out and discussing it makes that process more enjoyable.

The Ego

I am going to try to give you a shortened version of the first part of Chapter 2 of A New Earth. Chapter 1 is basically the purpose of the book which is to bring you a transformation of consciousness or even just a recognition of the unawakened you. It was slow going and I got lost a few times but the good news is that the more you read of the book, the more Chapter one starts to make sense.

The Ego is basically identification with form - physical form, thought form and emotional form. Those are his words – almost exactly. Now here is my take – and remember that I am still connected to the ego so it may be skewed : ) The ego is your association with the world – things, other people, your feelings and emotions and even your own thoughts. It is that constant voice in your head telling you what to do. The problem with that voice is that it is not really who you are because it is skewed by your environment. He calls this your illusionary sense of self. It is who you think you are but that is based on the past. You are not your past. You are who you are right now. That was and still is hard for me to comprehend - how can what I think not be who I am? But if my thoughts are not based in the now then they are based in the past. The good news is that if you can recognize this self as an illusion then it can not exist. An illusion ceases to be an illusion if you know it is one. You will become awakened or aware if you can recognize this illusion. He actually says that this thinking without awareness is the main dilemma of human existence. He goes into detail about how your false sense of self identifies with what you possess – your house, your car and your material possessions – even by what others think of what you have. These things become “identity enhancers”. We need things like shelter and food and housing and transportation but we have lost the ability to honor them. Page 37- “we cannot really honor things if we use them as a means to self-enhancement, that is to say, if we try to find ourselves through them. This is exactly what the ego does. Ego- identification with things creates attachment to things, an obsession with things". You have to figure out if the things you have contribute to you sense of self. If you lost something that was very precious to you how would you feel? Can it just be a thing or does not having it change the person that you are. Think about that one for a minute because it was an “aha moment” for me. Is there anything that I have that would change who I was if I didn’t have it? I thought about all my pictures of the kids – I would be heartbroken if the house burnt down tomorrow and I lost them. But would it change who I am? Of course not! So is it wrong to feel a sense of pride for what you have or feel that you have nicer things than someone else? No! The need to stand out is always there. But you have to recognize it for what it is – the Ego. The Ego isn’t wrong, it is just unconscious. When you can see it you can go beyond it.

So I think I will end here for now. There is a lot more in this chapter but I want to know your thoughts on what I have written so far. Have a great weekend everyone!

One of my favorite quotes..

I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.

My Friend sends me quotes daily and she has send me some great ones but this is one that really struck me. Have I lived the width of my life so far? No - I don't think so. I think I am getting closer but I still have a LOT of work to do. The problem is that I don't even know where to start. When Oprah introduced her book club selection this month it really intrigued me because she said that it was the best self help book that she had ever read. If you haven't heard about it it's called - A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. I find reading it is very challenging because I have never read anything like it before. Every concept is so new to me. I find that I have to read each sentence several times to get the full meaning. It feels like every sentence is forging new pathways in my brain! It is a whole new way of looking at things. The chapter I just finished described the Ego - it is so much more than just what I thought an Ego was. I can relate to a lot of things that he says about the Ego and I know that in order to let go of the hold that it has on me that I will need some direction - hopefully that will come in later chapters. I guess the first step is understanding what it is and why it is. I'll keep you posted. If anyone else is reading this book please let me know - I would love to hear your thoughts.

14 things I Love

1. The flying leap hug I get when I picking up my kids from daycare
2. That I can share anything and everything with my husband.
3. Long conversations with friends- drunk or sober!
4. Singing my heart out to music when no one is listening.
5. Sharing a great meal.
6. Making someone laugh.
7. Relaxing by a fire.
8. Long Baths with no interruptions.
9. Getting so involved in a book that if you are not reading it you are thinking about when you will be able to read it again.
10. Taking great pictures.
11. An afternoon of scrapbooking.
12. Storm days when you have nowhere to go.
13. Holding a sleeping newborn.
14. Late night swims.
    

My Drug of Choice.

What effect does music have on you? The closest I can come to describing how I feel is what I think doing drugs would be like. I don’t really have a reference for that feeling since I have never done drugs. Not really. Once I tried to smoke weed because a friend of mine told me that you could actually see music. He told me the notes would manifest themselves into colors dancing around the room in different sizes and shapes. I thought that sounded pretty cool but I was young and inexperienced and very naive. All I got was a major headache. But the concept still intrigues me. I get such a high when a great song comes on the radio. I crank it up and sing at the top of my lungs and all is good in the world. Or when I have a task that I am dreading I put on some tunes and voila! Bring it on baby! So when I get home I love to have music playing while I’m in the kitchen. It just changes the atmosphere in the house. But I know it is not that way with all people. My husband for instance – he hates it when I have music playing all the time. He hates extra noise – says he finds it distracting. That is very sad to me. Thank goodness for the invention of the mp3 player! And I love all type of music – country, rock, choir, jazz, blues, hymns – you name it and I’ve tried to sing along with it. Being in a choir was a truly amazing experience for me. There is nothing like the feeling of standing in a group of people and hearing their voices all around you. I was so excited for my parents to hear us but again they didn’t share my enthusiasm. They supported me of course, but I could tell it was not their thing. There was a brief time about 2 years ago that I didn’t sing to the radio. It was like I was in a fog all the time. I knew I was depressed but what finally made me pick up the phone and ask for help was hearing one of my favorite songs come on the radio and not feeling anything. Nada - Zip! I knew I didn’t want to be in a world where I didn’t hear the music. I hope I never have to again. But don’t you think it is just amazing that a few words and some instruments can have that effect? Your brain chemicals bounce around, your synapses fire and all it good in the world. All this talk is making me crave my player- I am such an addict : ) So take some time and enjoy the music today!

The Master Plan

I have a coworker who is very open about the fact that she knew she would never have children. It never even crossed her mind. One of my university friends says the same thing. They are the only 2 people that I have ever heard say that they knew that they were never cut out to have children. My coworker compared it to being gay – you just know. I don’t quite agree with the gay analogy but I understood the point that she was making. I find it completely fascinating that both of these people knew from day one that parenthood was not for them. What would that feel like? I can’t remember a time when kids were not in my future plans. That makes me wonder if I became a parent only because it was expected of me. Am I following some master plan – go to university, get married, buy a house, have some kids. So far it seems I am right on track – that is a little disturbing for me. But here is the question - did I ever consider not doing any of those things? Am I doing all of this because that is what people are supposed to do? I don’t know? I hope not. I have to say that I went to University because my mom told me that I was going. It was never really and option for me not to go. But I am so glad that I did. They were some of the best years of my life. Not only did I learn a lot from my classes but I learned a lot about myself. I don’t want to think of the person I would have been without those years. Getting Married – well – who doesn't have days that they are frustrated or angry with the other half but truthfully I can’t imagine being married to anyone else. My house – hated paying rent – knew it was a good investment. And my kids - of course there are some days that I wonder if I was cut out to be a parent. Am I am making the right decisions, am I raising them correctly? But I think every parent asks those questions. I know that I make poor decisions but I try to learn from it and make better decisions next time. When you know better, you do better. On VERY bad days I think “what have I done?” but luckily I just have to look into their face and everything becomes clear. Every morning when my son turns around just before going to the bus and yells “ I love you Mommy” and runs back to give me a hug, my heart melts. Or when little A snuggles up on the couch with me and strokes my hair just like I do to her at bedtime, I know that this was meant to be. So, even if I am following some master plan, it led me to my kids and for that I am grateful.

That's my girl!

DD had her first Preschool swim lesson on Saturday. She is a bit younger than most of the kids in her class but she is definitely ready to be in the pool without us. We did the parent and tot swim twice and now she won't even let you hang on to her in the pool. Although she is a bit young the instructor said we could try her in a preschool class. As I have mentioned before, her language skills are a bit below average so she doesn't quite understand all the instructions but she watches the other kids and follows along with what they are doing. It's pretty cute. The instructor wanted to play a game that involved pretending to be an animal so she asked the kids what their favorite animal were. I heard a lot of "horses! kittens! puppies!" from the other kids and then you hear little A - she looks at the instructor and yells " GREEN!" That's my girl!

Thought bubbles

Princess inspired me today! What if everyone could read our thought bubbles? What a different world we would be. There are so many times that I bite my tongue during a conversation. It's not that I think my point isn't valid, I just think why bother? - everyone is entitled to their opinion - even if it completely wrong! And I really don't enjoy the conflict that might arise. Usually I can never say the right things to get my point across so I end up being totally frustrated that the person just isn't getting it. But I digress. What if our bubbles were out there for all the world to see? In some ways it might be good - Like if someone is going to murder you then the chances of them being able to succeed goes way down(that was a movie but I can't think of the title). Or if you are in a really good mood - how easy would it be to share your mood if everyone could see how happy you are. But the down side is huge. I get totally malicious thougths - nobody needs to see those. You know - the ones that pop into your head with no control and are usually gone just as fast. Or when you jump to conclusions before you have all the facts. If your thoughts are negative would you draw people that also had negative thoughts? Now that party would be a downer! No thanks : ) I had a high school friend that believed thougths were angels. For example if someone is sick and you pray for them you send out all this positive energy(angels) towards that person. How powerful is that? Can your thougths have that much influence on the world around you? If they can then damn! - I need some serious thought editing software installed! For now I am going to try to make an effort to have more positive thougths - just in case.

I'm very lucky that not everyone is like me!

I’ve been totally slack – Yup that’s me – total slacker! That is the inspiration for my blog today. I am a total procrastinator. I always leave things until the last minute – sometimes they don’t even get done at all. Like the wedding video I taped 3 years ago for a friend that I have never finished editing. It’s pathetic. I have an email from a friend that is sitting in my inbox that I have been meaning to respond to for over a month but yet I always find something else that needs to be done first. It was one of the reasons I was hesitant to start a blog, because it would be another thing that would be on my mind that I needed to do. It’s not like I don’t want to blog – I really enjoy it. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to my friends over email, I love hearing from friends! It’s not like I don't want my friend to have a wedding video – I just know it is going to take me at least another 2 hours of editing plus the time to figure out how to get it to DVD format (which I have asked about 5 different people about with no easy answer) . I just keep saying to myself “I’ll definitely do that tomorrow”. Which leads me to a question for y’all.out there – Would you be friends with yourself? If I were to ask myself that question then I would say no. I really really really want to say yes but if I’m honest with myself it is a definite no. I probably wouldn’t even bother to get to get to know me because I don’t really say too much unless I am spoken too. And if by some miracle I did get to know me then I wouldn’t really like me because I hate procrastinators! Logically there is no reason to procrastinate – it will take you the same amount of time to do it whether you do it today or 3 days from now. So why wait? Would a deadline help? – Definitely. But I have tried giving myself one and that doesn’t work. So I need an imposed deadline. Great! In order to be friends with myself I must attach a deadline to any favor I would ask. Not really what you are looking for in a friend.