My Wedding Day!

I wanted a church wedding – But I wanted it small. Nothing extravagant – just immediate family. I wanted to keep the cost to a minimum. I didn’t want to go in debt before we even began our life together and I didn’t want to spend $10,000 on one day. But my mom wanted to invite everyone she knew - she has 6 brothers and sisters all with kids and grandkids and she wanted them all there. And DH’s mom has 4 siblings with kids and grand kids and she thought they all should be invited too. This is pretty normal – parents always want to invite everyone right? I gave in because I figured my family is pretty low key so they wouldn’t expect any huge celebration - just a few sandwiches and sweets and dance and everyone would be happy. I also figured since all of DH’s relative lived in Ontario there wouldn’t be a huge turn out from his side. Wrongo! Every invitation that was sent to Upper Canada, except one, came back with a “yes” reply! The one “no” response that came back was because she was due to have a baby the day before the wedding. I don’t know why she didn’t just have the baby in the car on the way here – it could have been a double celebration. So Holy Crap – 150 people were coming to my little wedding! My sandwich and sweets idea went right down the crapper! Since everyone was coming all this way we decided that we should have a big turkey dinner. I had never planned anything this big before so I really had no way to know what needed to be done. And my mom – God love her - was no help. I was SO not prepared for what happened that day! My reception was at the Legion in Hillsborough. We show up after the rehearsal dinner to decorate and they wouldn’t let us in. They didn’t want us in there until after the legion has closed. I’m sure the 2 old timers playing cards wouldn’t have minded but whatever! We twiddled our thumbs until they finally let us in at about 10pm. So we stayed up until 2 blowing up balloons and putting up streamers. By the end of it we were all exhausted and I was just throwing things on the walls to get rid of it all. But it looked ok – I was happy with the results. The next morning we get up bright and early to go to the hair dressers and are there for about 3 hours because all of DH’s aunts also had to get their hair done. But we were ok – we still had lots of time – I thought! We get out of the hair dressers and are told that no one picked up the flowers. My maid of honor and I head over to the co-op in full make up and hairdo’s to pick them up. We got some strange looks let me tell you! We then had to figure out a way to get them to the groom and groomsmen without seeing DH. We managed to get it done! – one crisis adverted. We rushed back to the B& B to get dressed and things go pretty smoothly until just after the ceremony. (I had one little panic attack just before going down the isle but I guess that’s pretty normal from what I hear) It was really hot inside the church so once the ceremony was over we stood outside for a while just enjoying the slight breeze and chatting with the guests. We head off for pictures and all seems good. After we are finished my photographer is packing up his stuff and I see DH’s aunt storming in my direction with a really nasty look on her face. She informs me that it is tradition that DH’s whole family have a group picture taken at all weddings. She is bitching to me that they all didn’t get their hair done for no reason. I had no idea that there needed to be a family picture. Holy Crap – the photographer is all packed up. I rush over and ask if he would mind taking one more picture. Thank God he said yes! Well by the time we found a place for the picture and got everyone organized, this one picture took about 20 minutes. And by this time it was stinking hot – the hottest day of the year so far! I am sweating bullets and my feet are swelling beyond recognition. My hair has fallen out of the updo that I had going on and I want to just sit down and relax. We head over to the legion and we had a great surprise. When we opened the door it was like walking into a wall of heat! It was an oven in there! The elderly ladies that did all the cooking and setup look pale and sickly. One of the ladies walks directly over to me as I step in the door and says “why didn’t you have salads and cold cuts dear?” I know they were just hot and tired but holy crap – I had no idea what a scorther it was going to be that day. It is usually quite nice in Hillsborough because we are right on a river and there is a cold breeze. Not today! Everyone had been asking for water while our pictures were being taken and the ladies got very frustrated trying to cook the dinner. So everything is running late. We decide to have the reception line before we sit down while the ladies were still setting up. We all stand there like idiots because nobody comes up! I felt like I was at a grade 9 dance. It turns out that since most people talked to us while we were standing outside the church nobody felt the need to go through the lineup. Very Embarrassing! After the longest 5 minutes of my life I call it off and we head to our seats. The ladies start to serve the food. Well I notice that there are quite a few empty seats – it’s just too darn hot in there and everyone is outside! And then one of the ladies that is serving passes out cold from the heat. Could it get any worse? They get her revived and she seems fine but everyone is visibly shaken. They are eventually able to get out the rest of the meal but guess what – nobody is eating! Who wants to eat turkey when you are sitting in a room that is about 100 degrees! And all the wine that we had out is gone. This makes for a great combination by the way – lots of wine and no food : ) After dinner we wanted to do speeches but again everyone is outside. Brad and I stand up to say “thank you for coming” to the five people that are inside standing at the bar and the kitchen staff (minus the lady that passed out) and that is all that is said. All the speeches that we had planned never got said. What are you going to do? I understand why everyone was outside – but it makes for lousy wedding. We eventually just went outside and chatted with everyone out there. The DJ shows up to set up and the nice little old ladies in the kitchen doing dishes won’t let him bring in any his stuff. They want everything cleaned up before he is even allowed in the door. And they are running at least an hour behind. So by the time he gets in and sets up it is about 10:30 pm and a lot of people have already gone home. Thankfully, when the DJ set up, he put a fan on the dance floor and we are able to get some kids up dancing. I’m excited because people finally seem to be enjoying themselves. My MIL had planned a very elaborate spread for 10:30 which would have been a godsend because nobody has eaten. She goes to the plug in cooler that she brought (because she wasn’t allowed to use the fridge in the kitchen) and the dial on the cord has been turned to heat instead of cold. Everything she made was rotten – shrimp salad, crab dip, pate of some sort, meats, cheese - all bad. She is in tears. She spent hours and hours making all of this stuff and nothing is salvageable. She has a few bags of chips and some buttered rolls and that’s it. I felt so bad. But what could I do? Not a damn thing! So it finally starts to cool down inside and people start dancing a bit and I finally think that thing are going to ok when the bartender storms out from behind the bar tells the DJ to stop the music. She announces that if she sees one more liquor bottle in the legion that does not come from her bar she is shutting the whole place down. Well you could have heard a pin drop! Everybody sat down and just sat quietly. I am totally mortified! I’m thinking - I just can’t wait for this evening to end. I try to mingle around and improve the mood but it’s just no use – nobody is having any fun. At midnight I just can’t take it anymore. I borrow my friend’s sandals because I can no longer walk in my shoes because my feet have swelled so badly and I start walking to our B&B. DH’s mom comes running out to ask what should be done with all the gifts and I tell her that I’m sure that my mom and dad can handle it from here. She called me ungrateful but I just kept walking. DH caught up to me about halfway there and we walked in silence until we reached the B&B. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget the whole day even happened. During the night some idiot decided that my car needed to be trashed. They jimmied the window and filled the entire car with rice crispies. The put shaving cream on the tires and door handles. They toilet papered the outside and put confetti in all the air vents. They put an entire tube of toothpaste just under the windshield wipers where we couldn’t see it. We noticed it when we reached Cape Breton and it started to pour. Did you know that toothpaste REALLY foams up when spread in a thin layer across your windshield in the rain? To top it all off the best man passed out in my maid of honors bedroom after he walked her home and his wife wouldn’t speak to him for a month. I thought that I was going to be the reason for their divorce! Oh yeah – and since none of DH's family had ever been to the Maritimes we all went camping together in Cape Breton and PEI for our honeymoon. Never, never do that! We always said that there would be lots of opportunity for a honeymoon later on but it just never happened. So that’s my wedding story. It was long and painful to write but hopefully I will be able to read it over in a few years and laugh at it all. Have a wonderful weekend everyone!